I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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