We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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