True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
True college students do jello shots in the library
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