I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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