after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
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The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
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Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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