I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
