She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize