im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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