from now on my penis is your penis
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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