Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
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I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
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You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize