My Higher Power is John Stamos
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
