Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
