Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize