she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
A Guy Sent A Woman What May Be The Craziest Breakup Text Ever
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
28 Completely Safe For Work Pictures Of Genitals
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.