I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.