I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.