Ambien. No doubt about it.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"