I'm eating all of the evidence.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.