fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
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