I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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