Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Randomize
