i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
