Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Randomize