you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
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