"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
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