You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize