if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
You don't know the capacity of my vagina