I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.