The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.