You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
You may now shotgun with the bride
25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.