Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling