so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
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someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
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You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.