Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
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