actually, I'm a sock model
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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