I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
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