Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
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So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
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My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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