every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
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Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
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A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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