I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven