he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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