i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
