hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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