marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
