Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I'm at about main and main street
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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