he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
