I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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