I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
