I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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