Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize