is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
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