he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
