you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
