I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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