I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
