dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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