just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
