Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
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Are my feet made of real feet?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
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Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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