i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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