How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
