Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
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:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
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he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Randomize