Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Randomize